Oh my goodness!  After several weeks of nothing I stepped on the scales this morning wondering how much the alcohol from the last few days had derailed me and I couldn’t be happier!
That’s right I’m now 14st 13lbs. Whoop whoop. I’m 26 lbs lighter than I was on 4th January. Having been stuck at just over 15st for the last two months this is a major milestone for me. How exciting. 

I’d lost my way a bit both diet and exercise wise but have kickstarted that with the weights and eating in technicolor and it seems to have worked!

Fitzpatrick is away in the US so isn’t here to celebrate but I know he’d be high fiving me right now. 

So I’m chuffed to bits and to celebrate I’m going to try and get back to sleep for a bit as its only 7.20am on Sunday. 



Not shopping

I like to shop. 

I have more clothes and shoes and bags than is healthy for one person. 

I work hard, am not in debt (any more) and don’t have children or expensive hobbies.  

I used to say that I bought shoes and bags because they always fit. Anyone who’s put on in excess of 4 stone will tell you that’s not exactly true. Yep even your feet get fat – and the pressure of walking in heels, even really really good freaking expensive heels, it too much for your poor knees and balls of your feet. 

So you just stop. You stop wearing your favourite shoes and you put your favourite dresses to the back of the wardrobe or packed away in boxes marked Size14/16 and you wear the same thing most weekends and rotate the same dresses for work. You buy a few things in bigger sizes – jeans, a few more dresses. Oh and bra’s big, unsexy, over the shoulder bolder holders. Whilst your pretty Agent Provocatuer and What Katie Did are packed away in tissue in a box at the bottom of the wardrobe. 

I really want to shop, I want pretty dresses and skirts and tops but I’m determined not to buy too small – for when I get into it, like that Westwood dress I’ve had for five years now and only managed to get into once. Or buy so big that it won’t fit me in 2months. So I’m not shopping. I’m not buying the dresses from my fave website ( or new things from Jigsaw or 

I am buying workout gear from Fabletics, trainers from Nike outlet and Other workout kit (water bottles, gym towels, lifting gloves etc)

And today I bought some shoes – I had to. My feet and legs  were so sore after Saturdaus monster weights session (below) and an extra long boxing workout my ballet flats are just too too flat!  So a little detour into Dr Marten’s at lunchtime mean I now own some lovely shiny new brogues. 

But I’m not shopping. And it’s dull. I want to walk into any shop and be able to find something that fits me. It’s one of the things I’m working towards.

Until then I guess I’m saving money.  I guess. 

Moving on

  It’s nearly 4 months since I started on this journey to a healthier, happier me. I’m 21lbs lighter, now a non smoker and 3 notches down on my jeans belt. 

I’ve kept up the boxing and joined a gym where I do some weight lifting programmes, been to three dance classes (more about Xtina and Britney later) and stepped up my walking in preparation for my challenge in August. 

But still I feel like a fake. My amazing friend and inspiration Gem was blogging, tweeting and we were chatting yesterday morning about imposter syndrome and I know exactly what she’s talking about. I’m wasn’t at work yesterday, taking the day off and had the chance to go to a Pilates class local to my home in the morning. I knew it was a good idea, knew it was a perfect opportunity but talked myself out of it as I didn’t want to be the fat bird I’m the room. 

I should have gone. I know I should have. But but but. I’m so proud (yes proud) of myself for starting the boxing and sticking to it and for going to the gym, for going back to dance class when it was properly tough and I stuck out like a sore thumb. I was even feeling a little bit confident but the old demons are still there. I’m too big to exercise, these classes/ places are not for me. They’re for the people who look like they belong. 

My rational self knows how crazy this is – how do I get to be the me in the mirror I’m happy to look at without taking these steps and sucking up the discomfort?  But also why should I put myself in situation where I feel self concious and uncomfortable?

It’s a tough one. I’m trying to face it at the moment with a new journal. It’s the Daily Greatness 12 weeks to a Rocking Body journal from the team at The journal is forcing me to think about what I’ve done and done well, what I should celebrate about myself and what I should look to improve. I’m struggling with the pats on my own back – having been the fat girl for so long I’m usually the first to make a comment about myself to get in before others can. Think the ‘Fat Amy’ approach in Pitch Perfect.  Having to write every day about achievements is alien to me. But I have achieved and it helps me to know that I can do more. 

So, without meaning to sound bud headed or boastful here’s some of my truths. 

I AM so much stronger than I was at the beginning of the year

I AM looking and feeling more like myself and I look good – I can only look better as I get closer to my goal

I AM making good choices and sticking to them

I AM worth this investment of time in myself 


Stepping up my game

I’m just at the station waiting for my train for work after being at the new gym and doing my first weights session. My legs are a bit wobbly but I feel good. It’s a Pure Gym and quite newly opened, has a great range of equipment and good space to work in. 

A gentle-ish start with Fitzpatrick walking me through a programme and helping me with technique and how some of the things worked!    This is what I did – with my very technical explanations oh yes!

Leg curl 20lbs 4 sets x10

Dumb bell split squats 3x 10 (walking squat thingy)

Barbell squat sets of 12 x3 with 5kg on each side

Loaded back extension 3x 12 & kettle bell sides 6kg 3x 12

Leg press 4 X 12 @ 30kgs

Back tomorrow to work different muscle groups (or so I’m told). Rumour has it that this will really boost my weight loss and help me to  tone up!  I hope so. 

Yesterday was boxing and walking. Had a really good boxing session with my trainer upping the pressure. I was exhausted but still managed to walk 12k. Hips a bit sore as I walked nearly 15k the day before but all good!

I’m getting strange looks as I’ve let a few trains go past now so better sign off and get to work!


A little update


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 Post exercise #pucepic from this morning. 
 Not much has changed either weight wise or inches in the last few weeks and I have been a little off track.  All that changes again starting today – no booze for a little while and after a week off with a back injury I was back boxing this morning.

This week is also the week I start weightlifting.  I’ve joined a local gym to where we live and will be going a couple or few times a week with Fitzpatrick to do some weightlifting sessions in a aim to tone up and burn more fat.  I’m getting the cardio with my walking and boxing workouts but need to build my strength and tone up my arms, legs, arse etc!

So this week is the week  I have boxing again on Wednesday morning and need to be at work early Tuesday so will be hitting the gym Thursday and Friday – I might finally find out what it means to suffer after leg day!

Today’s boxing session was good, quite a few 4 minute rounds and then in my ‘rest’ some core work with sit ups, planks and work on the swiss ball.  I’m working on the pivot on my feet for my basic shots to improve the power behind them – using the hip to make the shot but keep falling over my own feet.  I’m not soft enough on my knees yet and a bit flat footed.  This will improve as I drop more weight and know that my knees will hurt less.

Best thing about today was that my trainer (the every pushy Ian) said that my fitness has improved significantly and that he is really pleased with the effort I am making and the work I am putting in.  It was great to hear – and great to see that he has noticed.  I know it in myself, I’m definitely fitter – seem to have more energy too!

I have also booked in for two more dance classes with As Seen on Screen fitness; on April 23rd I will be doing a 90 minute Christine Aguilera Dirrty beginners class followed by a 90 minute Britney Slave to You beginners class……….I think I might be a little crazy.  My bestie KBW is going to come with me  – she’s an amazing dancer and great fun to spend time with so I’m really looking forward to it.  Fitzpatrick will be away at GB camp so I am planning to eat all the sushi in North London after the session if you want to get in first!

I’m also stepping up my walking to increase my distance each week as the Susan Komen 3 Day Twin Cities walk gets every closer! Please feel free to sponsor me following the link….it’s 130 days, or 19 weeks. Gulp.  I’ve also started to get some of the gear I need.  My pink trainers to get comfy and break in, my mattress for the tent, my light and my waist pack (yes it’s a bumbag but that are called waist packs these days).  Work has thrown a little spanner in the works with a delay to the programme but my flights are booked, my training started, I’m not backing out now!

But managed to get some bargains from the Nike Outlet store – pink anyone? 


Like I said weight is disappointing, only another 1lb down but I’ve not been great on my diet and there have been a few nights out and plenty wine……..however lovely friend saw me briefly and messaged to say she could see my shape changing – whoop whoop!

And you know even my face might be!

Onwards – PCB x


Dance like noones watching……..

 In my ongoing efforts to find exercise I enjoy (& that might stick), today I’m off to Seen on Screen Fitness for a dance class.

The fabulous folk at SoSF teach classes where you learn the dance to a pop song – think The Single Ladies dance.  They talk about being a Diva and it sounds fun and a great workout.

They claim that in a 90 minute class you could burn 800 calories – sounds like my sort of rate of return.

They do classes for beginners, intermediate, advanced and all levels and run them during the week and at weekends. I opted for the Beginner Sorry by Justin Bieber. Duly paid my £20 for a one off class and I’m now sat in the Understudy bar in the national theatre nursing a black coffee as I was so freaking early!

The class is at the Rambert dance school just off the Southbank behind the National. I’m nervous (hence the being here so early), have no clue if I’m dressed right, a bit hungry as I didn’t want to eat before class in case I threw up!

So as I wait a little update. I’ve lost 3lbs so am now 15st 7lbs (woo hoo) and more importantly have moved another notch on my jeans belt. So that’s 2.5 inches off my waist!


So I’m just headed home on the underground from my class and I LOVED IT. It was hard, I was clumsy and looked like a baby elephant in the mirror but it was a really good sweat and such good fun. We had a brilliant teacher -Lisa – she was encouraging and relaxed but also pushed us to get the moves as right as we could.

The steps were worked through at a slowish pace initially then putting it all together. We learned the sections bit by bit and built up the routine.

A few things to remember if you’re going to do this class. Take water – you’ll need it!  Wear comfy clothes as you need to be able to move (& shake you thing).

I’m exhausted, potentially broken and seriously cosidering putting a pack of peas on my knee when I get home but I’m also buzzing and want to go back.

Bonus – my watch tells me I’ve burned over 1000 calories today (a combination of dog walk, travelling to class and the class itself) and the day is nowhere near over with another dog walk on the cards before it gets dark.

Now there is a video of the little section we learned. I’ll try to share it but like I said – baby elephant!  But for now I’m off to buy ALL the sushi.

Oh gawd what have I done……


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Well well well the weight is still coming off (slowly…so so slowly) but my body shape is changing.  I HAVE A WAIST – I mean I know we all have a waist but mine is actually showing.  My arms are toning up (I still have major bingo wings but getting some guns too) and my stamina is increasing.

I’m still boxing – had a week off due to laryngitis but back to it and treated myself to my own gloves.  This was after a conversation with two friends of mine who explained to me that using the gloves in the gym was disgusting (it was, just thinking about the smell makes me gag) and I may as well be putting my hands in a toilet……. They were right. So I took the advice of my trainer (have I told you about or my amazing trainer Ian?  Another time) and bought myself some Twins, 12 oz beauties.  They need a bit of wearing in but are mine all mine and as sweet as  a rose.  I bought them from Geezers Boxing and the service from them was great – they sell all sorts of training gear if that’s your thing.


To push myself some more I have also signed up for three events.  The first is the the Colour me Rad London run on 7th May.  I initially agreed to do this as a training event for my ever patient other half, Fitzpatrick, as he’s signed up for his first 10k in July.  But after registering I knew it would be a great motivation to get me out and about.  So I’m couch to 5K’ing at the moment and started running last week.  I have also signed up to run 1 mile this Sunday for Sport Relief – it’s all been organised by the awesome Simon Heath (@SimonHeath1 on Twitter) and is a #tweepathon with 26 of us each running 1 mile and hoping to raise some money.

So those are sensible challenges right?  A good target but not too much?

Yeah if only I’d stopped there…….but you see I’ve been inspired by some amazing women these last few weeks (Team Unicorn you know who you are) and when an equally amazing women from the USA dropped me a message on Facebook this morning letting me know that she and another friend had signed up to do a challenge in Minneapolis from 19th to 21st August and would I be interested well I didn’t say no….I stopped.  I considered.  I checked flights, spoke with Fitzpatrick, and well after a few hours of too-ing and fro-ing the flights are booked and in August I will be taking part in the 2016 Twin Cities Susan G. Komen 3-day challenge – that’s walking 60 miles in 3 days.  It’s all in aid of Breast Cancer research and I will be fundraising (I need to raise a minimum of $2,300) over the next few months.  I’ll update the journey (for this is a journey) here but you can also follow my progress and sponsor me over on my official fundraising page here: Amanda’s 3-day Fundraising Page

I know it’s tough but if you can spare even the smallest amount to help I will be so grateful.  I’ll be organising some other fundraising activity over the next 5 months – I’ll try not to pester you I promise!

So a few more days until the monthly weigh in – progress is slow but I feel good.  Right I better get some new trainers…………



I’ve lost 14lbs. The scales say so it must be true. That’s right 15st 10lbs, 220lbs or 99.8kgs.  MILESTONE!!!IMG_9933

I’m guessing that most of the weight has come off my organs (Google fat on organs if you’re not sure what I’m talking about) a little off the chin and a little off the waist. But my hips and thighs remain resolutely fat.

I was listening to a podcast from The Guilty Feminists and one of them talked about how easy it is to lose newly gained weight but weight you’ve been carrying round for a while is tougher to shift. Yep. That sound right.

So what has changed. Well my skin is much better, clearer, less dull and looking pretty fresh. My sleep

Seems quite good (that might be less alcohol and caffeine but hell its a plus).

I have a little more energy. I have an ongoing illness which means that my energy levels can be very low at times but the way I’m eating (& exercising) seem to be giving me a boost.

I’m really enjoying my exercise. This is a major surprise to me – over the years I have donated to many many gyms (you’re welcome Fitness First, Virgin et al) I’ve been once or twice but it rarely sticks.

So this time I am taking a different approach.  I had a great conversation with a recruiter friend of mine where we had a very honest chat about whether I was taken seriously or reaching my full potential due to my size.  Long story short the way I look impacts how others see me and the unconscious bias linked to my size is probably holding me back.  It was interesting as it wasn’t her saying this – it was me.  I recognised it.  I will do all I can to change views and opinions but I also recognise that if I want to achieve all I want to achieve I have to play the game somewhat.    Her honesty in response was so refreshing – she didn’t say I was wrong or that I looked fine but accepted that it was true and that people were judged by their size sometimes.  I could have kissed her!  I didn’t.  Rather when I spoke with her about exercise she suggested that I try boxing.

Now this isn’t the fashionable boxercise that the so very trendy gyms to (I’m looking at you GymBox) which make you sweat like a mother and are great for your fitness body but actual boxing training in a boxing gym.  It turned out the job I was about to start was about 5 minutes walk from The Ring/City Boxer and they had a special price for an intro personal training session.

So I worked up the courage to head in.  A lovely chap was training someone in the ring but stopped to say hello – he asked me how he could help.  I explained I wanted to lose 4-5 stone and get in shape.  Booked on line and started.

Oh boy it’s tough but I love it.  I work so hard, and it’s not cheap but it’s an investment in me.  I feel so much better and that combined with the eating properly and the stopping smoking (about a month ago now) mean that I am on my way.

My ‘journey’ (yep like a Xfactor contestant) has just started.  I’ve managed to stay social, go out, head to Paris for the six nations and not fall off the wagon.  I’m at the gym 2x per week with my fabulous trainer and have signed up for a 5k in May (the Colour Run).  I have brilliant support at home and an amazing group of girlfriends who are virtually right beside me – posting #pucepics on line and waving pom poms as they got through their own journeys too.

I have a sort of target in my head I think – I’ll still not be right on the doctors BMI scale and I will still have to wear a size 14 from most high-street shops (hips and boobs will do that) but I will be happy with me and that’s what this is all about!



Enough Already

It’s January 2nd. I’m full of a cold that has meant I’ve hardly left the house since our guests left on the 27th. I’m surround by uneaten chocolate and unopened alcohol.

I tried to have a drink a few days ago, on New Years Eve but it ended up being a hot toddy.

But even in all this I haven’t reached the turning point. That came a little later that day. The previous Monday we’d been to the world darts championship, it had been a fun day we’d all dressed up as Where’s Wally (or Waldo) and the beer was flowing.  However, this photo of me was posted later by one of the people we went with and it made me stop.


Now, I’m not delusional I knew I was overweight – fat even.  I knew that I needed to shift weight but I thought I looked ok.  I was bigger than most of my friends but with good tights, a shift dress, heels and some make up I looked good.

In all honestly I look ok but big….very very big.  I know that many people say #effyourbeautystandards but my knees hurt, I can’t buy clothes that fit and everything was an effort.

I knew I needed to do something.

So I decided I would.

I have weighed myself and I am 16st 10 lbs, 234 lbs or 106 kgs.

I’m going to start with diet  – eat better.  I’m using MyFitness Pal app to track my food and exercise on my iPhone and apple watch.  I’m upping my water intake, cutting back on my coca cola habit and making a change.

And most of all I am doing this for me.  Not for a special event, not a dress I need to get into but for me.