Plateau’s and frustration


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I’m so frustrated – I have hardly lost a lb in 2 months.  I’m tracking what I eat and exercising at least 4 times per week but nothing, nada, zilch.  AND ITS TOUGH.  I know this happens, and I know it happens to a lot of people but when you are nearly 15 stone and want to be under 12 it’s really hard.

I may have had a little breakdown at the gym last week (thankfully Fitzpatrick was there to sort me out)  there were tears and snot and a few ‘it’s just not fair’.  Seriously I am working so hard, I’m boxing regularly still and know I am improving and my lifting is getting better.

Now I know the old myth that muscle weighs more than fat – but come on…..a pound of feathers weighs the same as a pound of sugar…..a pound is a pound.  What muscle is though is more compact than fat so the same weight can take up a smaller space and well this much is true I am seeing some difference in the space I take up.

I sat in the bath last week and my hips didn’t touch the sides….I know that sounds ridiculous but it’s true.  For the first time in a long time I didn’t act like a natural dam in the bath and water was able to circulate and I was comfortable.

I’m able to share a seat on the bus without pushing myself so far up against the window I should be licking it – same on the tube.

I bought a dress in a  size 16, a slinky pencil skirt dress and it FITS – it did up without any fuss and the lumps and bumps (with good underwear) are not going to look to bad.

So we’re changing it up, after a pep talk from my girls and Fitzpatrick,  and some great advice from PT Gem I have changed things a bit this week.  Upped my water/liquid and protein and reduced my carbs.  No boxing for me this week as Ian is on holiday so instead Fitzpatrick has been putting me through my HIIT paces over in the park .  Ladder drills, squats, kettle bell exercises along with different cone drills have had me working up a sweat.  We’re combining this with the gym and focusing on fat burning routines, yesterday was upper body (my triceps are still burning from the seated EZ bar tricep extensions) and then monster leg day today.  We’re also walking a lot still as it’s now only 36 days until my big walk in the US for  Charity this summer.

I have no idea if this is going to work – but I bloody hope so, it’s hard work and whilst I am enjoying the exercise (mostly, burpees are still a bitch) I need to see the proof on the scales.

Here’s hoping – onwards





Avoiding a meltdown

Yesterday was a bad day – no that’s not quite right.  Yesterday was a tough day.

I knew it was going to be tough – external review of my proposals and plans with only 60% of the information and me not able to defend of explain but there to take the ‘feedback’ for three hours in the helpful way it is meant.

Its rough, I’ve talked about the need for resilience on my other blog here in a similar situation and it was no easier this time.  What was interesting was my response.  I’ve talked about allowing myself time to wallow but this time there is no time – my next deadline is this week, no time to lick my surface wounds.  Also I couldn’t turn to that age old friend gin or chocolate, or crips or pastry (mmmmmmmm cornish pasty).

My reaction was a surprise even to me – instead of melting down I sent Fitzpatrick a text saying that my afternoon was brutal and that I needed to go to the gym and then go and eat red meat somewhere.  Thankfully he agreed.

So here I am today – my arms are sore but my diet is intact (though I pushed the limits of my calorie intake) and I am feeling good.

I’ve changed, the way I cope and act is changing but its good; health and happy.

Working out at home & Overcoming irrational beliefs 

I’ve been working out at home the last two weekends – by choice!  Last week I had a really good session and finished with mountain climbers, bicycle sit ups and planks.  

This week I wasn’t going to work out but then a pep talk from Team Unicorn reminded me that this is up to me and is my choice. 

It’s been a tough week. Out 4 nights in the end (only meant to be for one drink on Friday but that ended up as a few more), eating badly, only one boxing session and no gym as my new tattoo is healing. 

So I got the mat and weights out and went again. The dog (Goose) was less than impressed!

But after a little persuading he got out of the way and I got on with it. At the end I was hot and tired and decided to try something I’ve never been brave enough to try before. You see I decided I was too big, too heavy, too weak, too pathetic; that I’d fall flat on my face, that my arms and shouldersm would buckle, that I’d make a fool of myself. But no one else was here and I’ve been working pretty hard so maybe just try one. 

So I did. I tried my first proper, not on my knees, press up!  And we’ll I actually did 4 in a row. I’m sure the firm was shocking and I didn’t get anywhere near as low as I needed to but I did it!  In fact I did 10 in total. 

It seems ridiculous now. What was I scared of and even if I had faltered who would have judged me other than me (and the dog). So I did it and will do then again and work on my form and the number I can do and eventually these bingo wings will be a thing of history!

For now I’m trying to see if I can see the difference in my face?  The left was a few weeks ago and the right at the beginning of the year. What do you think? Is it just the hair and glasses?



EURO 2016 Sweepstake – stepping into fundraising



As I mentioned previously this summer I am walking 60 miles in 3 days to help the fight against breast cancer and raise money for research and treatment with the Susan G. Komen organisation.  I am walking as part of an awesome team and have committed to raise at least $2,300.

To help me on my way (and to have a bit of fun) I am running a Euro 2016 sweepstake.  It’s £10 in with £5 going to the kitty and the other £5 to the charity.  Prizes for 1st (£60) 2nd (£40) and 3rd (£20).

If you’d like to join in please leave a comment below or on Twitter (@pontecarloblue) or Facebook if you know me IRL and I will add you to the list.  I’ll do the draw when I have 24 names and if we get to 48 will run a second round.

Thanks in advance


PCB (below is todays #pucepic post boxing – I was exhausted but flying high!)



Oh my goodness!  After several weeks of nothing I stepped on the scales this morning wondering how much the alcohol from the last few days had derailed me and I couldn’t be happier!
That’s right I’m now 14st 13lbs. Whoop whoop. I’m 26 lbs lighter than I was on 4th January. Having been stuck at just over 15st for the last two months this is a major milestone for me. How exciting. 

I’d lost my way a bit both diet and exercise wise but have kickstarted that with the weights and eating in technicolor and it seems to have worked!

Fitzpatrick is away in the US so isn’t here to celebrate but I know he’d be high fiving me right now. 

So I’m chuffed to bits and to celebrate I’m going to try and get back to sleep for a bit as its only 7.20am on Sunday. 



Not shopping

I like to shop. 

I have more clothes and shoes and bags than is healthy for one person. 

I work hard, am not in debt (any more) and don’t have children or expensive hobbies.  

I used to say that I bought shoes and bags because they always fit. Anyone who’s put on in excess of 4 stone will tell you that’s not exactly true. Yep even your feet get fat – and the pressure of walking in heels, even really really good freaking expensive heels, it too much for your poor knees and balls of your feet. 

So you just stop. You stop wearing your favourite shoes and you put your favourite dresses to the back of the wardrobe or packed away in boxes marked Size14/16 and you wear the same thing most weekends and rotate the same dresses for work. You buy a few things in bigger sizes – jeans, a few more dresses. Oh and bra’s big, unsexy, over the shoulder bolder holders. Whilst your pretty Agent Provocatuer and What Katie Did are packed away in tissue in a box at the bottom of the wardrobe. 

I really want to shop, I want pretty dresses and skirts and tops but I’m determined not to buy too small – for when I get into it, like that Westwood dress I’ve had for five years now and only managed to get into once. Or buy so big that it won’t fit me in 2months. So I’m not shopping. I’m not buying the dresses from my fave website ( or new things from Jigsaw or 

I am buying workout gear from Fabletics, trainers from Nike outlet and Other workout kit (water bottles, gym towels, lifting gloves etc)

And today I bought some shoes – I had to. My feet and legs  were so sore after Saturdaus monster weights session (below) and an extra long boxing workout my ballet flats are just too too flat!  So a little detour into Dr Marten’s at lunchtime mean I now own some lovely shiny new brogues. 

But I’m not shopping. And it’s dull. I want to walk into any shop and be able to find something that fits me. It’s one of the things I’m working towards.

Until then I guess I’m saving money.  I guess. 

Moving on

  It’s nearly 4 months since I started on this journey to a healthier, happier me. I’m 21lbs lighter, now a non smoker and 3 notches down on my jeans belt. 

I’ve kept up the boxing and joined a gym where I do some weight lifting programmes, been to three dance classes (more about Xtina and Britney later) and stepped up my walking in preparation for my challenge in August. 

But still I feel like a fake. My amazing friend and inspiration Gem was blogging, tweeting and we were chatting yesterday morning about imposter syndrome and I know exactly what she’s talking about. I’m wasn’t at work yesterday, taking the day off and had the chance to go to a Pilates class local to my home in the morning. I knew it was a good idea, knew it was a perfect opportunity but talked myself out of it as I didn’t want to be the fat bird I’m the room. 

I should have gone. I know I should have. But but but. I’m so proud (yes proud) of myself for starting the boxing and sticking to it and for going to the gym, for going back to dance class when it was properly tough and I stuck out like a sore thumb. I was even feeling a little bit confident but the old demons are still there. I’m too big to exercise, these classes/ places are not for me. They’re for the people who look like they belong. 

My rational self knows how crazy this is – how do I get to be the me in the mirror I’m happy to look at without taking these steps and sucking up the discomfort?  But also why should I put myself in situation where I feel self concious and uncomfortable?

It’s a tough one. I’m trying to face it at the moment with a new journal. It’s the Daily Greatness 12 weeks to a Rocking Body journal from the team at The journal is forcing me to think about what I’ve done and done well, what I should celebrate about myself and what I should look to improve. I’m struggling with the pats on my own back – having been the fat girl for so long I’m usually the first to make a comment about myself to get in before others can. Think the ‘Fat Amy’ approach in Pitch Perfect.  Having to write every day about achievements is alien to me. But I have achieved and it helps me to know that I can do more. 

So, without meaning to sound bud headed or boastful here’s some of my truths. 

I AM so much stronger than I was at the beginning of the year

I AM looking and feeling more like myself and I look good – I can only look better as I get closer to my goal

I AM making good choices and sticking to them

I AM worth this investment of time in myself 


Stepping up my game

I’m just at the station waiting for my train for work after being at the new gym and doing my first weights session. My legs are a bit wobbly but I feel good. It’s a Pure Gym and quite newly opened, has a great range of equipment and good space to work in. 

A gentle-ish start with Fitzpatrick walking me through a programme and helping me with technique and how some of the things worked!    This is what I did – with my very technical explanations oh yes!

Leg curl 20lbs 4 sets x10

Dumb bell split squats 3x 10 (walking squat thingy)

Barbell squat sets of 12 x3 with 5kg on each side

Loaded back extension 3x 12 & kettle bell sides 6kg 3x 12

Leg press 4 X 12 @ 30kgs

Back tomorrow to work different muscle groups (or so I’m told). Rumour has it that this will really boost my weight loss and help me to  tone up!  I hope so. 

Yesterday was boxing and walking. Had a really good boxing session with my trainer upping the pressure. I was exhausted but still managed to walk 12k. Hips a bit sore as I walked nearly 15k the day before but all good!

I’m getting strange looks as I’ve let a few trains go past now so better sign off and get to work!


A little update


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 Post exercise #pucepic from this morning. 
 Not much has changed either weight wise or inches in the last few weeks and I have been a little off track.  All that changes again starting today – no booze for a little while and after a week off with a back injury I was back boxing this morning.

This week is also the week I start weightlifting.  I’ve joined a local gym to where we live and will be going a couple or few times a week with Fitzpatrick to do some weightlifting sessions in a aim to tone up and burn more fat.  I’m getting the cardio with my walking and boxing workouts but need to build my strength and tone up my arms, legs, arse etc!

So this week is the week  I have boxing again on Wednesday morning and need to be at work early Tuesday so will be hitting the gym Thursday and Friday – I might finally find out what it means to suffer after leg day!

Today’s boxing session was good, quite a few 4 minute rounds and then in my ‘rest’ some core work with sit ups, planks and work on the swiss ball.  I’m working on the pivot on my feet for my basic shots to improve the power behind them – using the hip to make the shot but keep falling over my own feet.  I’m not soft enough on my knees yet and a bit flat footed.  This will improve as I drop more weight and know that my knees will hurt less.

Best thing about today was that my trainer (the every pushy Ian) said that my fitness has improved significantly and that he is really pleased with the effort I am making and the work I am putting in.  It was great to hear – and great to see that he has noticed.  I know it in myself, I’m definitely fitter – seem to have more energy too!

I have also booked in for two more dance classes with As Seen on Screen fitness; on April 23rd I will be doing a 90 minute Christine Aguilera Dirrty beginners class followed by a 90 minute Britney Slave to You beginners class……….I think I might be a little crazy.  My bestie KBW is going to come with me  – she’s an amazing dancer and great fun to spend time with so I’m really looking forward to it.  Fitzpatrick will be away at GB camp so I am planning to eat all the sushi in North London after the session if you want to get in first!

I’m also stepping up my walking to increase my distance each week as the Susan Komen 3 Day Twin Cities walk gets every closer! Please feel free to sponsor me following the link….it’s 130 days, or 19 weeks. Gulp.  I’ve also started to get some of the gear I need.  My pink trainers to get comfy and break in, my mattress for the tent, my light and my waist pack (yes it’s a bumbag but that are called waist packs these days).  Work has thrown a little spanner in the works with a delay to the programme but my flights are booked, my training started, I’m not backing out now!

But managed to get some bargains from the Nike Outlet store – pink anyone? 


Like I said weight is disappointing, only another 1lb down but I’ve not been great on my diet and there have been a few nights out and plenty wine……..however lovely friend saw me briefly and messaged to say she could see my shape changing – whoop whoop!

And you know even my face might be!

Onwards – PCB x


Dance like noones watching……..

 In my ongoing efforts to find exercise I enjoy (& that might stick), today I’m off to Seen on Screen Fitness for a dance class.

The fabulous folk at SoSF teach classes where you learn the dance to a pop song – think The Single Ladies dance.  They talk about being a Diva and it sounds fun and a great workout.

They claim that in a 90 minute class you could burn 800 calories – sounds like my sort of rate of return.

They do classes for beginners, intermediate, advanced and all levels and run them during the week and at weekends. I opted for the Beginner Sorry by Justin Bieber. Duly paid my £20 for a one off class and I’m now sat in the Understudy bar in the national theatre nursing a black coffee as I was so freaking early!

The class is at the Rambert dance school just off the Southbank behind the National. I’m nervous (hence the being here so early), have no clue if I’m dressed right, a bit hungry as I didn’t want to eat before class in case I threw up!

So as I wait a little update. I’ve lost 3lbs so am now 15st 7lbs (woo hoo) and more importantly have moved another notch on my jeans belt. So that’s 2.5 inches off my waist!


So I’m just headed home on the underground from my class and I LOVED IT. It was hard, I was clumsy and looked like a baby elephant in the mirror but it was a really good sweat and such good fun. We had a brilliant teacher -Lisa – she was encouraging and relaxed but also pushed us to get the moves as right as we could.

The steps were worked through at a slowish pace initially then putting it all together. We learned the sections bit by bit and built up the routine.

A few things to remember if you’re going to do this class. Take water – you’ll need it!  Wear comfy clothes as you need to be able to move (& shake you thing).

I’m exhausted, potentially broken and seriously cosidering putting a pack of peas on my knee when I get home but I’m also buzzing and want to go back.

Bonus – my watch tells me I’ve burned over 1000 calories today (a combination of dog walk, travelling to class and the class itself) and the day is nowhere near over with another dog walk on the cards before it gets dark.

Now there is a video of the little section we learned. I’ll try to share it but like I said – baby elephant!  But for now I’m off to buy ALL the sushi.